The Harsh, Beautiful Reality of Travel:

Confessions of an Au Pair’s Year Abroad in France

We come here because we are bored. We are thirsty. And eager. And resistant of that encroaching sense of apathy toward life. It’s what has always scared us the most- blindly and obediently moving with the motions of day to day living. Now don’t get me wrong. I understand that the daily-grind is inevitable. You can’t help but get into a pattern when you wake up at the same time everyday, put on the same grandma sweater, with the same slippers, and pour yourself the same bowl of cereal five days a week. That is a reality of things. Life can’t actually be one big grand daily adventure- or can it?

Truth be told, once you take that chance and leave home, life is exciting for a while. It’s uncharted and beautiful and irresistible- especially when it’s nestled between the mountains, close to the boarder of a country that holds your dreams in the palm of its hand. Every day feels fresh and novel and you step outside and can’t believe that this is the backdrop to your unbelievably exciting adventure. You pinch yourself because you can’t process the fact that life actually conspired to make this happen for you. You are thankful for all of the support that helped push you out the door, and also for all of the resistance because it gave you the chance to prove to yourself that it is possible to follow dreams- no matter how much you feel like you are tackling the impossible.

And then four months pass. It’s December, and you realize that a pattern has formed in this new place and you are comfortable again. Life is neutralizing itself. You can feel it in the pit of your stomach, and your inclination is to change something again, because you don’t like that feeling. And it’s hard to justify your choices when every second isn’t the perfect little adventure you envisioned: You are broke. You miss being with the people you love, getting drunk with them until sunrise or sitting in the living room drinking something hot and discussing the theory of things. You live with someone else’s family, and no matter how great and amazing they are- they aren’t yours. You miss walking around pants-less in your own house, kissing your man after a long day of work and eating take-out from the container. You miss the comfort of your own place. You are frustrated by the time zones that separate you from the people you rely on to build you back up again after a hard day. You miss all of the things you ran away from because at the time you felt like you were suffocating, and you had no idea why.

The hard reality is that things are good here, but they aren’t perfect. Because life doesn’t pause while you take some space to figure things out. It keeps going. It keeps pushing. It keeps forcing you to take a look at things and ask yourself what’s important to you. Some days it’s mundane. Some days it’s difficult. And some days you are surrounded by so much more love and magic than you ever could have expected. No matter how you feel, or what you are going through, you adjust. You find people here to share your dreams with, who have their own ones, which are just as big and undefined as yours. This family of strangers that you moved in with on a whim aren’t strangers anymore, but people who you are going to miss in the exact same way that you miss family now. And you realize that it wasn’t ever really about seeing a new place. It was about searching for something bigger than yourself, for something that might clarify this insane, crazy, full-blown life experience that we are all trying our best to navigate with some shred of purpose and dignity.

You will book your flight home and it will hit you how little time you actually have left here. This will make a part of you eager again for that mundane yet perfect little life you left behind. But it will also make another part of you sad, because no matter how homesick or broke or stressed-out you have felt over the past 5 months, it’s nothing compared to what you have gained.

You will then realize that adventure isn’t a place you fly to, or a place you come from. It’s present in every day, every second that you are growing and learning and discovering what it is that makes you happy.

I’m telling you- Go. Explore. See everything possible. Drink too much. Spend too much money. Laugh your head off. Join a choir full of 60 year-old divas. Take a chance on salsa lessons. Travel to new countries. Be silly. Be reckless. Make a move on that bartender you’ve been in love with all year long. Sing out loud in public. Do you. And then maybe you will see that in the end, it’s not really about the shiny new cities and foreign countries, but rather about what these places bring out in you, and who you meet along the way.

Inevitably, you will realize the things about yourself and your life that are working, and also those that are not. You will discard old messy habits that don’t have a use anymore and pick up new ones that reflect the kind of life you desire. You will learn what does work- what holds you back and what makes you actually feel alive- which you’ll be surprised to find out is an equal mix of reckless adventure, along with your favorite spot on the front porch with your puppy and the person you love.

You’ll board that international flight in 5 months time, throw your carry-on into the overhead compartment, say merci once again, and reach into your back pocket where your new found gems of wisdom, appreciation, gratitude, and love are stuffed snug behind your boarding pass and worn-out passport.

Saying Goodbye, New Beginnings.

September journal entry- written a week into the adventure.  A projection of what the end of it all might feel like.  Reflecting on it two days before I fly home.  Grateful for a year of growth and adventure. Cheers to saying goodbye once again and to new beginnings ahead. ❤  

If you do something like this, you are going to be filled with anticipation and the thrill that comes only from traveling the world. Then you are going to leave home, and a part of you will feel heart broken, missing, lost. You will arrive, and your new experiences will not replace what you have left, but they will slowly start to mend the cracks, one day at a time- slowly, then all at once, you will feel this place becoming more than a job, more than some foreign land. You will wake up one day, blink, and this place that you spent your whole life dreaming about will become bigger than the dream. You will one day say goodbye again, but it will be easier because you will be stronger, because you did what you came here to do. You will return to your old life with something called perspective and you’ll realize the only ruts that exist are the ones you create for yourself. Conversely, so are your successes.


Lovely visit from an old friend!  Also, casual toboggan rides through the French Alps.  A great last weekend in France. ❤

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Sunday Hiking in France

Notre Dame des Neiges: Le Plateau des Glieres (La Balme-de-Thuy, France)

I took a lovely hike on Sunday with the whole family.  It was a short and relaxing trek through unbelievable landscapes and farm land.  It took about 45 minutes to reach the restaurant located toward the top and while there we had potatoes, meat, cheese, wine, and dessert. Honestly, what more do you need?  I could try to explain it all in a bit more detail, but I think the pictures speak for themselves.  This place never gets old.

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JUNE 14th, 2015: Turning 26 in France

“Everyone should be surprised on their birthday,” Michelene said on the 13th when she picked me up in Epagny in her trusty Twingo. I jumped in the car and we drove to pick up Meg (the other birthday girl) and to meet up with our other friends Jacqueline and Nico.

Jacqueline put a basket of food in the trunk- fresh cherries, a baguette, cheese, meats, chips, wine, and a chocolate cake. We jumped in and started driving, windows down, and music playing as we drove around the lake and slowly moved higher and high up the mountain. My hand rested on the edge of the window seal as I watched the lake move farther and farther away. It became smaller and bluer with every mile higher.

We stopped at the Col de la Forclaz and hiked up to a beautiful spot where the paragliders take off. We had a picnic. I felt so happy. I sat there and couldn’t help but reflect on the fact that I was turning 26 in one of the most beautiful places in the world. It was also a place I hadn’t known existed until a year ago, which is crazy to think about. I was with people I loved and appreciated, some of whom had been by my side experiencing this whole thing with me from the beginning.

We left, explored an area around the lake called Talloires, and then went north about 20 minutes up the lake and rented a paddle boat and stand up paddle boards. We drank wine, played in the water, tanned, went downtown and made lovely memories I’ll never forget.

I’m so so lucky. 🙂

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The next afternoon on the 14th my host family threw a lovely lunch for my host mom’s brother and me, and we ate amazing Thai food prepared by her sister-in-law. Despite my early morning hung over status from a night of too much crazy, after some champagne and a shot of espresso I was eventually able to shake it off and enjoy the festivities. As French lunches go, we ate, drank, chatted, laughed, opened presents and relaxed on the back patio.

Oh, yea….and they gave me a BRAND NEW CAMERA. !!!





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Again, I felt so much love over my birthday weekend.

MERCI BEAUCOUP to everyone who made me feel so special.  I love all of you. ❤

Happiness of the Pursuit

We were having one of those “What am I doing with my life,” mid-twenties kind of conversations.

If you are lucky enough to have people with shared life experiences, I think it’s not only important, but crucial to take the time to hash out your ideas with them- to pull your lives apart, to dissect them and to try your best to put it all back together again in a somewhat less-elusive type of way.

And if that doesn’t work, go get some tequila and start dancing. That always does.

She said, “I don’t know where I want to be. I don’t know where I’m headed. I want to be happier.”

Don’t we all.” I said.

There was a pause, and she replied, “You know what movie you would love?”


Hector and the Search for Happiness.”

Never seen it.”


I watched the film last night. Despite my normal tendency to fall asleep with every film I start after 7 PM, this one kept me hooked. I finished the whole thing and stayed up for an hour reflecting and looking up quotes from the film. One article in particular said it perfectly. In the Huff Post blog by Peter Chelsom, ( he states:

The film’s main conclusion is that the emotion of happiness cannot really be separated. Real happiness is richness. And richness is the full spectrum of all the colors, all the emotions. Yes, we need to embrace it all if we are to stand a chance at being happy.

I think the film is also addressing the fact that life is not as successful when you spend it searching endlessly for happiness. Instead it’s fuller when you take the time to have experiences, to take risks, to listen to your intuition, to make mistakes, and to allow yourself to grow because of it all. In other words, happiness is about living life in all it’s hardship and in all it’s wonder.

I just turned 26 this month. I am soon ending my year abroad and returning home. I am in a transition that is a result of my long desire to find, in my own personal way, what it is that defines this all-elusive term. So when I heard the following line from the film, it hit me like a profound, simplistic ton of bricks: 

We should concern ourselves not so much with the pursuit of happiness, but more with the happiness of pursuit.

Et voilà, there you have it. Maybe happiness isn’t one attainable tangible goal, but a fluid, organic thing that happens when you are not thinking about it. When you are living life in the truest, most authentic way possible.

Cheers to turning 26, to a year older, to another year of experience, to being closer to 30 than 20, but to still being able to cling to that mid- twenties identity.

…To the happiness of the pursuit. ❤